Something about Jasper
by Stormy Bella
Summary: It was always a phone call. All it always took was just one phone call for Edward's face to change. Happiness, laughter, frustration, or any emotion all wiped away to be replaced by his Jasper expression." A look at Jasper and Edward's relationship from Bella's eyes.
1. Something about Jasper

Summary: "It was always a phone call. All it always took was just one phone call for Edward's face to change. Happiness, laughter, frustration, or any emotion all wiped away to be replaced by his Jasper expression." A look at Jasper and Edward's relationship from Bella's eyes.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; Stephanie Meyers does. The plot of this story is heavily inspired by and modeled after "Something about Jenny" by SpanishLullabies with some major changes. I just thought that Jasper and Edward were better people for this plot line.

This story is dedicated to Debbie for her encouragement and lovely help. She rocks this world like a million tiny stars.

Love,

Stormy Bella

* * *

**Something about Jasper**

It was always a phone call.

No matter what they were doing, where they were, or what time of day it was, all it always took was just one phone call for Edward's face to change. And in the time they'd been dating, she learned to expect disappointment every time that phone call came.

Happiness, laughter, frustration, or any emotion all wiped away to be replaced by his Jasper expression. Whatever they were talking about, whatever emotions she was able to wrench from his reserved self was instantly replaced by that crinkle between his brows and downward pull of the corners of his mouth.

It was a sort of worried relief-worried about what sort of trouble Jasper was in, and relief that Jasper had called-that would always steal her boyfriend from her whenever Jasper phoned.

She could never understand why Edward always felt the need drop everything he was doing to rescue the blonde man.

Edward was sweet, handsome, and well on his way to one of the most prestigious medical schools in the country.

Jasper was a lying, manipulative bastard with the penchant for fucking everything on two legs.

Edward spent his time reading books, playing the piano, or volunteering at the orphanage three blocks from his house.

Jasper spent half his time drunk or high, and the other half hungover-at least until he could get drunk again.

Bella asked Edward once, in a coffee shop, watching as he hung up his phone, getting ready to run to wherever Jasper was. She remembers feeling angry when she realized that she would be left alone again-in the middle of a serious discussion, no less-so Edward could tend to Jasper.

"What's so special about Jasper?" She had asked. Edward was stunned by her question and she was stunned by the hostility in her voice. She quickly offered a smile because she really liked Edward, and their relationship was tentative and new (only a few months in), and Jasper was Edward's best friend, and really she had only met Jasper twice before and therefore she shouldn't judge him.

Edward just looked at her, adorably confused, as if he'd never considered this before. As if why Jasper was special was never a question-Jasper just was.

After a while, all Edward could come up was, "I don't know. There's just something about Jasper."

Then he apologized quickly, and after promising that he'd call her that night, he never looked back as he walked to his car, pulled away, and sped to whatever ditch Jasper was lying in-no doubt drunk or high. If he had looked back, he would have seen Bella smiling after him, and trying to keep smiling, until her smile was replaced with a disturbed expression on the heart-shaped face.

There was something unnerving about what Edward said-and more so, the gentleness in which he said it-that made her uneasy and she couldn't figure out why.

If Bella was as wise then as she is now, she would have realized that she felt uneasy because even then she knew-in the deepest recess of her subconscious- that certain something about Jasper would always be able to steal her boyfriend away.

* * *

Edward asked Bella out near the end of their semester, on a wonderful, breezy day that signalled the coming of summer. They'd taken one class together that semester when they first met, and he was walking her back to her dorm when he asked if she'd want to have dinner with him.

Bella was ecstatic. The truth was, she had been silently crushing on him since he introduced himself that first day of class as he settled in the chair next to her. They worked on a project together, and she found herself more and more enamored with his smarts and his wit as time passed. Bella, being the kind of girl she was, would never have the guts to ask any guy out-especially one who looked like Edward. But Edward, being the kind of guy that he was, made even a girl like Bella think about asking him out. She even played out different scenarios in her head of how she would go about asking him out so she'd get at least one date before the semester was over. Thankfully, he asked her first.

It was in that restaurant, under the dimly lit overhead light and between the easy Jazz, that Edward admitted shyly-scratching his jaw nervously-that he had to work up his courage for three months (that is, for nearly as long as they had known each other) to ask her out.

Bella had smiled (inwardly, of course) because she thought it was adorable.

So she was surprised that after he answered the call that interrupted their conversation, Edward frantically apologized to her before asking her if he could make it up to her for leaving early on their first date. It was just that his best friend needed help and he had to go right away.

That was the first time she heard Jasper's name.

She told him it was okay, that they could definitely have a second date, and he should see to his friend. She even thought, with a mixture of twisted pride and young naivete, her date was the kind of guy that was loyal and would sacrifice his personal interest to rescue his friends.

She just found it a bit odd, because there was something in the way three months worth of courage could not compete with a single phone call from Jasper.

* * *

Bella first met Jasper at a party hosted by one of Edward's closest friends, Emmett.

Emmett and Rose were a beautiful on-and-off couple, and Bella found them both easy to be friends with, though in different ways. Emmett, despite his size, was jovial and incredibly easygoing (the only times she'd ever seen him mad was when somebody has the balls to offend Rose). Rose was sharper than a knife with the sort of blunt honesty that was refreshing, and Bella found that she could only earn Rose's respect and friendship by being honest right back (which was hard to do because the girl looked like a Victoria's Secret model and wanted to design race cars for a living).

Alice-Edward's sister-was a curious mix of bouncy prep and sarcastic sass that Bella had no idea how to deal with. She got the same searing green eyes as her brother, and an almost-same shade of copper brown in her cropped-short hair (though hers was definitely duller in an unnatural way). Her figure was rather boyish was well, so much that she and Edward could easily be mistaken as twins.

Bella knew who Jasper was before he even introduced himself, just by the way Edward's face lit up as her boyfriend's eyes traced the steps of a tall blonde that parted the crowd as if he owned them.

Jasper had easy eyes with lids that draped lazily over an impossible blue, as if he knew that nobody could stand a chance against him if he opened them fully, and a pretty mouth that spread into a crooked smirk as if he knew all sorts of secrets. Jasper had soft (she thought) playboy curls just past his neck that he tucked haphazardly behind his ears in a way that suggested he just rolled out of bed. Someone else's bed.

The thing was, Jasper didn't even notice Bella was there. His eyes were trained solely on Edward, and it wasn't even until Edward introduced her that Jasper, with startled realization, knew Bella even existed.

The look in Jasper's eyes when Edward introduced her as his girlfriend made her stomach twist. It was predatory.

Jasper clapped Edward's shoulder and made some joke about how Edward finally landed himself a babe, but all Bella could think about was Jasper's hand was less on Edward's shoulder and more on the nape of his neck. She couldn't help but wonder if the blush on Edward's cheeks was less because of the comments and more because of that hand.

Jasper proceeded to get drunker and drunker that evening, flirting with everything that would flirt back (and they all would, because Jasper looked like Jasper and talked like Jasper and made lazy eyes the way only Jasper could).

At the end of the night, Bella accidentally caught Jasper and Alice making out at the end of the hallway, hands possessively buried in her almost-copper hair, hips grinding aggressively against her. Before he drunkenly pushed her inside the room by nuzzling her neck, Alice caught Bella's stare.

And the brunette's heart stopped, because there was something in the way  
Alice-with her almost-copper hair and searing green eyes-looked just like Edward that made Bella think there was something Alice knew about Jasper that Bella didn't.

* * *

She thought they had a connection. She'd like to think it was because Edward could tell her anything about his-Bella was starting to find out-increasingly complex life and she would never judge him for it.

Edward trusted her, she knew that much, and he appreciated the way she absorbed his thoughts. He worried about getting to medical school, not because he doubted he could get into Harvard or John Hopkins but because he craved playing the piano more than he craved being a doctor like his father. He worried about Alice and her rebellious personality and her need to look like him and do things he liked to do-like playing the piano-but he liked that she wanted to spend time with him more (Bella couldn't tell him that perhaps it had less to do with him and more to do with his blonde best friend). He worried that Emmett and Rose's on-again-off-again relationship might tear their group apart.

Bella liked to think their connection is a solid one, and getting better everyday. She liked to think it was significant the way she was getting to know Edward more and more, not just about what he liked to eat on Sunday mornings but also what he was thinking about when his brows furrowed this way and that.

She knew she was wrong when she saw them together.

She came over one Sunday morning because her exam week was over and she wanted to spend the day with her boyfriend. But when Edward opened the door to his house and Jasper peered his head passed Edward's shoulder holding a stack of pancakes, she knew even though Edward was her boyfriend she was the intruder.

There was nothing they were doing that wasn't absolutely innocent. They weren't holding hands or kissing or even giving any indication that anything other than friendship was between them.

There was nothing except for the lingering looks Edward gave Jasper when the blonde's head was turned away. There was nothing except the way Jasper nudged Edward playfully, eyes trained on her boyfriend's profile full of something she couldn't identify and really didn't want to.

There was nothing in the way they laughed or talked that even hinted at something more, but a crooked smirk on Jasper's part - or a shy laugh on Edward's - that made the connection she'd thought was so significant pale in comparison to whatever Edward had with Jasper.

Because she realized that was something she would never have with Edward.

"We were gonna watch this boring Civil documentary that Jasper's been nagging me about." Edward teased as Jasper rolled his eyes smilingly. There was something unfathomable in the way Jasper smiled, not the crooked smile but one filled with incredible tenderness.

Bella wondered if she'd have to watch Edward watching Jasper all day.

She also wondered about that smile, because there was something in the way Edward hated anything history-related but still content to spend his entire Sunday watching a historical documentary with Jasper.

* * *

Bella didn't think that Jasper was absolutely evil. After all, if somebody as sweet as Edward could be best friend with Jasper, then he couldn't be half bad.

However, Bella couldn't help but think Jasper was a lying, manipulative _bastard_ when he waltzed in on their double date with Jacob Black on his arm, and a daring smirk dancing on those perfect lips.

Belle knew for sure, for sure, that Jacob Black wasn't gay. There was no way that Jacob Black could possibly be interested in Jasper (no matter how pretty his lips were), because Bella had spent two years of her life (before she met Edward) letting Jacob Black shatter her heart repeatedly while he cheated on her with strangers, his friends, her friends, and even one of her cousins.

When Jasper gave her that malicious grin as Edward shook Jacob's hand, she knew that Jacob being on this date was no coincidence: Jasper was out for blood.

She stammered through dinner, avoiding everybody's eyes (especially Edward's), refusing to let Jasper pull her back to that little girl-lost and heartbroken, because the boy who was supposed to love her hurt her the most. Jacob was charming, laughing as if Bella had never existed in his life, giving Jasper sweet little kisses that made her nauseous. She thought her feelings for Jacob Black were a thing of the past. She was on her way to loving Edward now after all, but the way her heart hammered and her palms sweat let her know that while she no longer loved Jacob, she was still not completely over him.

She told Edward, when he asked why she acted so strangely on their double date, the whole story. She never wanted to be dishonest to him, and Edward-sweet as he was-held her as she sobbed through her painful past. He had whispered sweet nothings in her ear, telling her she was beautiful and wonderful and deserved the world. She fell asleep in his arms, her heart full of this kind man.

But when she straddled that fine line between consciousness and sleep, her mind reminded her of the way Edward had frowned every time Jacob kissed Jasper, and the way his body tensed every time Jasper brushed his fingers through Jacob's cropped hair.

There was something in the way Edward seemed more comfortable with his girlfriend still having feelings for another man than he was with his best friend dating said man that kept Bella from falling into deep, content sleep.

* * *

She cried the whole way home.

This evening, when she was cooking them dinner-Edward's favorite-and Jasper called for help, she insisted on going with Edward. He didn't want her to, didn't want her worry over his best friend.

What Edward didn't know was that she didn't worry for Jasper. She couldn't care less if Jasper was lying in his drunken vomit somewhere, but she just wanted to know where Edward went off to every time that bloody phone rang. She wanted to know what happened between Edward and Jasper when that phone rang that always kept Edward running to him.

Edward hesitated for a moment before agreeing, but there was something in the way he nodded that made Bella wonder whether he agreed to please her, or so they wouldn't waste another moment to get to Jasper.

They found Jasper lying in a bathroom stall of a dirty, shady club, reeking of alcohol and smoke, pants undone, barely conscious. His blond curls stuck to his forehead, body shaking.

"Jazz!" Edward called out when he spotted his best friend, and for a moment, Bella felt pity for Jasper. Nobody who was truly happy could ever do something like this to themselves. "What the hell did you take?"

"E-Edward?" Jasper called out, his voice so vulnerable and broken Bella forgot momentarily all her wariness of him. "You came."

"Of course I came." Edward picked Jasper up by the arm, and hoisting the blonde to his feet, he dragged his best friend out of the club, with Bella trailing behind clutching Jasper's jacket. "Come on, let's get you home."

"I-I'm...sorry." Jasper mumbled unintelligibly. "He-He….I can't…"

Edward stopped dead. "Who? What did he do to you?"

"No-no…" Jasper gasped. "I...I wanted it...He said….I'm a tease….I wouldn't...couldn't…sorry...I'm sorry...sorry...sorry…" His voice broke.

Bella couldn't miss the way Edward squeezed his best friend tighter, as if wanting to squeeze the sadness out of Jasper. "It's okay. Let's just get you home, okay?"

They drove to Jasper's apartment in silence, except for the occasional heartbreaking sorry uttered by the blonde lying on the back seat, barely conscious. Bella could almost understand why Edward always came to Jasper's rescue: she couldn't imagine leaving one of her friends alone in that state either.

Bella couldn't even pay attention to his apartment, because as soon as they arrived at Jasper's place, Edward hauled his friend to the bathroom, wasting no time to strip Jasper from the clothes that smelled of tainted youth as if he'd done this a million times before.

"I'm going to find him some Aspirin." Bella called out, though she doubted Edward noticed anything other than Jasper right now.

After putting an Aspirin and a tall glass of water on his bedside table, Bella went to check on Edward. What she saw behind the ajar door made her voice die in her throat.

Jasper was sitting in the bathtub, completely naked, face to the wall. All Bella could see was the expanse of his broad back and his wet blond hair. Edward was kneeling on the floor, hands buried in the blond locks, trying to scrub the hurt away from his best friend. The hands that always held hers massaged Jasper's scalp, and Jasper was so still she'd have thought he was dead if it weren't for the occasional shudders rushing through him.

"Let's get you dried up and in bed." Her boyfriend said after rinsing Jasper off. Pulling the blonde up and helping him step out of the tub, Edward ran an off-white towel all over Jasper, kneeling before the naked man to dry his legs before standing up and wrapping the towel around his hair.

Bella could catch the tears running down Jasper's cheeks as a broken sob left his pretty mouth. He looked like a fallen angel, his wings clipped by God himself.

"What's wrong with me?" Jasper asked hoarsely, eyes far away as if he was only talking to himself, while tears fell freely. At least he was speaking in coherent sentences, sobered by the bath. "Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Edward stared hard at his best friend before wrapping his arms around Jasper. The blonde's nakedness meaningless (or all the more meaningful). "Nothing is wrong with you, Jasper." Edward breathed, forehead against Jasper's, hand stroking the damp blond curls. "You're so special, Jasper. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

Bella choked, because there was something in the way Edward held Jasper that was just so raw. So beautiful. _Too_ perfect.

Jasper whimpered and reached his hands to Edward's face and Bella watched in horror as those perfect, pretty lips kissed her boyfriend. Edward's eyes flew wide open, a cry dying in his throat.

Oh God, what those hips were doing to her boyfriend should be _illegal._

Jasper pushed away first, gasping and turning away as if too afraid to face the shame of what he had done. Edward stood there motionlessly, but there was something in his blush that told Bella he didn't absolutely hate Jasper for that kiss.

Bell couldn't watch any longer, couldn't stand to see how much there was something in Edward that needed that something in Jasper.

She wrote a quick note to her boyfriend, telling him he should stay to watch Jasper and she was taking the car home and she would pick him up in the morning.

She cried the whole way home, because she could have loved Edward to the moon and back, but there was something about Jasper that just made Edward _bleed_.

* * *

Jasper and Edward had a fight.

She didn't know what happened, only that it'd been four months and Edward had been steadily avoiding Jasper and her boyfriend had been more doting than ever. They were approaching their anniversary, and she really thought it might work. She tried really hard to forget that night, and sometimes when Edward brought her her favorite Starbucks drink on mornings and made sweet love to her in the dark of night, she really thought that she could.

For once in their relationship, she did not have to compete with that something about Jasper.

They fell into an easy pattern of movie-cuddle dates and Sunday-mornings-pancakes and yes, sometimes she could see a flash of disappointment on his face when his phone rang it is wasn't _that person_, but she thought that finally, their relationship was going somewhere.

That is, until he got that phone call.

She watched in something akin to horror as the relationship that she thought was going somewhere came to a screeching crashing halt when he furrowed his brows like that and his lips tugged down like this and his Jasper face slipped into place.

He hung up and looked at her apologetically. Her face steeled.

"I'm sorry." He explained. "It's just, he called, and I really don't like the sound of where he is right now."

"Just go." Bella said coldly. "Call me when you're done." She spat, as if daring him to call her, knowing that there was only contempt in her voice as she sneered-not at him-but at the blonde who had that something that could steal her boyfriend away even though she thought they were going somewhere.

It hurt, when he walked away and hadn't looked back even though he knew she was upset, because she knew-long before he did-that she'd lost.

She'd lost him to a blond boy who hadn't spoken to him in months.

He twisted that knife in her heart some more when he came to her place that night and they had their first real horrible fight instead of their anniversary because he went to save Jasper even though he knew she hurt.

She cried when she watched him walked away and she knew, just knew, that this was the beginning of the end.

She cried because there was something in the way her going-somewhere could not even compete with Jasper's standing-still, and there was something about Edward where Jasper was concerned, and she could never never _never_ fight it.

* * *

They broke up three months later, on Emmett and Rose's wedding.

She sat in the audience, watching him stand behind his best friend as the best man that Emmett had always asked for. Emmett looked radiant-she knew the adjective was often used on the bride, but there was really no other way to describe Emmett-as he spotted his beautiful bride walking down the aisle.

Rose looked like she was on top of the world. She was marrying the love of her life. Her brother had been sober for three months. Her life was perfect.

She felt hope flickered in her chest when she glanced at Emmett and saw him grinning ear to ear. She wanted to believe that there could be hope for her and Edward because people like Rose and Emmett had been up and down for years and in the end they still belonged together.

That little spark of hope died a bit as she watched Edward watching _him_, because the tight smile that Edward had been spotting since the morning-when they had broken up-faded as he saw Jasper walking down the aisle with his sister on his arms.

Because somebody who had just ended a relationship should not be smiling like that at someone who had interfered with their relationship.

Hurt welled in her when she saw Jasper winked at Edward-Jasper who was more beautiful and angelic than ever because he wasn't high or drunk or tainted anymore-and saw Edward blushed at the unexpected attention. Because someone who just broken up with someone else wasn't meant to blush like _that_.

She stayed as long as it was appropriate. Then, bidding Rose and Emmett a lifetime of happiness, she fled the scene with hope of burying this day forever in the dark recess of her memory.

She caught them behind the chapel, far away from prying eyes, tangled in one another. Jasper had Edward pinned against the brick wall, pretty lips smiling that pretty, uncontrollable smile, whispering in Edward's ear. Edward looked at Jasper like he was the sun. She saw Edward brought his hand to tuck a strand of escaped blond curls behind Jasper's ear and it was her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) who initiated the kiss this time.

She watched as Jasper pulled Edward closer by the waist and she watched as Edward wound his hands into Jasper's hair and grabbed at the blonde and she watched as Jasper did that _thing_ with his hips-just like that one night long ago-and watched as Edward rolled his hips right back as he deepened the kiss. She felt like she was watching a car wreck, except she was in front of the car.

She didn't wipe away the tear that trailed down her cheeks, because it was silly to cry when she had known this would happen from their first fight months ago-and really, even before that, every time Edward walked away to save Jasper.

There was just something in the way Jasper's body fit into Edward, molding together like two pieces of a puzzle, that was just too perfect. Too meant to be.

It was unreasonable to cry about it, because there was something about Edward and something about Jasper and something about Edward and Jasper together that made what was happening before her eyes _so inevitable_, and she had known it every time that something popped into her head.

* * *

She saw him years later when she visited Seattle on a business trip and stopped by the coffee shop she vaguely remembered they used to have their dates in. It must have been ten years, though it seemed a lot longer. He had changed from that boy to the man she was seeing through the store window. His face sharpened up, his jaws chiselled out, but his hair was still that mop of unruly mess. His body filled out the dark grey suit he was wearing. He held himself taller, and there was an aura about him that exuded happiness.

She waited until his eyes caught hers, and when they did, he smiled. He turned and walked out the door towards her and she felt that hope-that hope she held years ago at Emmett's and Rose's wedding-flared up again in a brilliant moment before she caught light bouncing on the gold on the fourth finger of his left hand.

Still, she held her smile as he pulled her into a warm embrace. "Bella!" He smiled infectiously. "It's been so long!"

He asked her all sorts of things, like where she had been and how her book was and when she had come back to town. She answered the questions as enthusiastically as he'd asked them, braving herself for her own question.

"So who is she?" She asked, eyes glancing towards the gold ring on his finger and she saw that face and she knew who it was without him even speaking even though his brows no longer furrowed and his lips no longer frowned.

"It's Jasper, actually." He laughed, and she couldn't find it in herself to be jealous because she had never seen him so _happy_. "We got married about six years ago. Been trying to adopt, but you know how it is." He shrugged.

She didn't, because she was still hung up on this man and that something about a blonde boy of long ago. She felt like she needed to ask, because he was older now and wiser now and no longer a boy twisted up about something about Jasper Hale but a man who could answer her question. If she was really honest, she needed to ask because she couldn't spend ten more years of her life not letting go of this man.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" She asked, choosing to be blunt instead. He nodded. "What was that something about Jasper that always had you running to him when he needed help?"

Edward was taken back by the question and he took a while to answer. It was a long pause, and she was about to resign and ask him to forget it when he spoke. "He was my raison d'etre, Bella, my reason for existence. I always ran to him because even though he was broken to a million shards back then, he still loved me with his tiny pieces, and I loved him even then. I think, though, on some level, I wouldn't have been Edward without him. He needed to be saved, and I save myself by saving him."

Bella nodded. After a few more pleasantries, Edward bid his goodbye, telling Bella she should come by for dinner sometimes.

She watched him walked away from her for the last time, knowing that she would never see him again in this lifetime but was okay with it.

She was okay with it because all this time she had thought that Jasper stole her boyfriend away from her, when really, Edward was always Jasper's and she was only borrowing for a short and brilliant time.

* * *

I am in the process of writing an outtake from Jasper's POV. If the story is well-received, I will post the outtake :)

Love you all very much.

Stormy Bella.


	2. Just Tonight

This is the continuation of the story from Jasper's perspective.

This part is strongly influenced by songs, and I think the lyrics lend the sort of heartache that you need in order to really feel the story. Therefore, I would highly recommend that you listen to the songs on you read the story.

The songs are, in the order they appear in each of the sections of the story:

1\. Just tonight by The Pretty Reckless

2\. You by The Pretty Reckless

3\. Under the Water by The Pretty Reckless

4\. Lucky Ones by Lana del Rey

5\. After the Storm by Mumford and Sons

I hope you enjoy Jasper's perspective. Thank you so much for loving the story.

* * *

**Just Tonight**

_Here we are, and I can't think from all the pills._

Sometimes, Jasper thinks he fucks up just so Edward would come.

Jasper is the sinner, and Edward is the saint.

He's lying on the floor of some bathroom in some club, pretty blond hair rested on a wall sticky with jizz and God-knows-what. The man who dragged him here to have drunken meaningless sex has left him there, but not before spitting out a string of profanities in his face and roughing him up with a few punches because he wouldn't put out. Usually, he would use sex to drown out the noise of his beating heart, but tonight the drugs are doing a pretty damn good job of that.

Damn, what the hell has he taken?

His heart is racing fast, too fast. He feels his body heating up all over, so hot that it feels as if hell's inferno has finally caught up with him. He knows he has taken an alarming mix of drugs and alcohol when his breathing is shallow and the air he's taking in doesn't seem enough.

His hand is shaking when he dials that familiar number.

_I'm too drunk to hear a word you say._

The ceiling is spinning, and even the pungent smell of piss is escaping him. His heart is still beating too fast, and he feels scared but calm—scared that Edward won't come in time, but calm that if hell has really caught up with him then at least he won't have to see Edward's face when Edward finds him like this.

If only it was that easy. If only he could slip away just as quietly as he came in, leaving this world with no mark at all.

Edward is speaking but he can't hear anything. All he could register is that Edward has come, yet again, to his rescue. If he wasn't twisted in his convoluted life, he would have smiled at how loyal and faithful and beautiful Edward was.

_I'm too numb to feel right now._

His chest hurts so bad, but not because of the drugs this time, when he sees the brunette standing behind Edward.

Edward is holding him against his side, dragging him out of the club. The warmth of Edward's body radiates like a thousand suns, and it burns him so badly but he can't stop throwing himself at it so he could feel something. He hurts so bad, because he knows he hurts Edward too but he can't stop this downward spiral.

_Start the car and take me home._

He lies, shaking but barely conscious, the uncontrollable sorrys breaking from his lips. He isn't sorry for just tonight; he is sorry for all the hurt he knows he causes Edward. He just can't seem to see straight anymore, can't seem to see what path there could be for something as pathetic as he is.

Edward is undressing him like he has done many times before, and he felt bile rising from his stomach because this is not how he wants Edward to see him. Just tonight, he would like to hide from his scars and his ugliness and his darkness. He doubles over, throwing up the alcohol he has ingested earlier in the night into the toilet bowl. His vision swims as the nausea hits him over and over again.

He is in the bathtub, Edward's hands scrubbing the sadness from his skin. Edward's hands are in his hair, and he feels like Edward is touching him like a piece of glass—fragile yet dangerous. He wants to cry, because he doesn't want to be glass. Glass cuts through skin. Glass hurts. Glass makes Edward bleed, when really, all he wants to do is love Edward. Glass breaks.

_Do you understand who I am? Do you wanna know?_

"What's wrong with me?" The words are tumbling from his lips just like the tears that fall like rain from his eyes. What is wrong with him? Why does he always hurt the people he loves most? "Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

"You're so special, Jasper. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

Edward's lips feel so good, like warmth on a cold and sunless existence. Kissing Edward is like coming home and it doesn't matter where home is. Kissing Edward is like being whole again, and the hole in Jasper's chest seems to be repairing itself, and Jasper feels really really good. Kissing someone as beautiful as Edward makes Jasper feel less ugly.

_Just tonight, I will stay, and we'll throw it all away._

He pulls away because the memories crash into him like a freight train, his father's words that all he is capable of is hurting those who love him ringing in his ears. He doesn't want to hurt Edward. He doesn't want to steal Edward's eternal sun. He's sorry, and he's ashamed because he almost almost dragged Edward down with him.

_When the light hits your eyes, it's telling me I'm right._

But he can't stop. Edward is pulling him under the covers and Edward is tucking him in and he can't stop himself from asking Edward to stay. Just tonight, he wants to feel less like the miserable wretch he is and more like the kind of person Edward would embrace.

"Just tonight, Edward."

Edward nods and Edward is crawling under the covers with him and Edward is pulling him inside those strong arms and Jasper feels good and sad at the same time. He feels good because, just tonight, he's inside Edward's arms and he's falling asleep and this is all he ever really wanted. He feels sad because it's just tonight.

_Just tonight, I won't leave._

Edward is murmuring in his ears and he swears that Edward is kissing his forehead and his nose and behind his ears and maybe even on his lips. Edward is asking him to stop, telling him not to do this to himself anymore and Jasper promises he won't because he wants Edward to keep holding him like that.

_And I'll lie and you'll believe._

He wakes up in the middle of the night, looking over Edward—deep asleep with the moon shining down on his angelic face. He hurts because he knows it isn't real. Edward doesn't know it, but Edward is glass too and one day he will break if Jasper keeps hitting hard enough. And Jasper knows that he will, because he can't stop hurting those he loves.

He lies back in bed, but he won't sleep because he wants to memorize the way Edward looks right now—the way Edward looks when he still cares for Jasper.

_Just tonight, I will see,_

_It's all because of me_

_Just tonight._

* * *

Jasper hates his birthdays.

Jasper was never a happy child before he met Edward. He doesn't remember his mother, and Rose was too young when she died to remember much.

His father didn't talk to Jasper at all.

_You don't want me, no, you don't need me._

His father spent all of Jasper's life ignoring him, and the rare moments when the drunken haze lifted and his father recognized anything, he doted on Rosalie—the Rosalie who has his mother's hair and his mother's smiles. Jasper inherited his mother's eyes, and that was too much for his father.

Esme Cullen loved Jasper like he was her own though, ever since that first day she met him in the third grade. She was called into the principal's office because her son Edward—her son who was gentle and kind and liked the piano—has hit another classmate. Edward told her that is was because Mike was shoving another boy—Jasper—and taking his dolphin figurine and breaking it and Edward just didn't think that was right.

When Esme asked the small blond boy why the dolphin figurine was so important, Jasper said—in his small boy voice—that it was the last thing he had of his mother. Rosie—his sister—gave it to him today because he had just turned eight. He cried. Esme had loved him since.

_Like I want you, oh, like I need you._

The day Jasper turned thirteen, his father came home drunk. That was the day he found out that his mother died giving birth to him. That was the day his father first laid hand on his pretty white skin, leaving a bruised purple mark on his cheek.

"You killed your mother."

His father said that he hurts all those who love him, because he is a monster and he wasn't meant to be born and he wasn't meant to take his father's beautiful wife from him.

But Esme said that couldn't be true, when he came running to her with heart full of shame and hurt, because Esme loved him and Edward loves him and he has never done anything to hurt them.

His father killed himself on his sixteenth birthday, when the whiskey lullaby could no longer numb out the loss of his wife. Jasper came home after celebrating with Edward to find his father with a gun in his hand.

_And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life._

The Cullens took him and Rosalie in, and Edward's family—Carlisle with his warm voice and fatherly advice and Esme with her sunshine smile and motherly hugs and Edward with his crazy protectiveness and Alice with her doe-eyed adoration—loved him. He loved them all, so much, with all his little heart can give. For a short time, he was so so so happy. He loves Edward most of all, when he realized that the way he loves Edward was different from the way he loved his sister or the way he loved his friends. He loves Edward most of all, when he realized that Edward makes him ache.

The thing is, he likes girls too. He just likes Edward more.

_You can't see me, no, like I see you._

On his eighteenth birthday, Esme was diagnosed with breast cancer. He watched everyday as the adopted mother he loved most lost her glowing skin and her luscious hair and the shine in her eyes as she fought her battle, and he remembered the words his father told him. He was starting to believe them.

Two months past this twentieth birthday, Esme lost her battle, and he lost the only mother he had ever known.

_I can't have you, no, like you have me._

He is terrified to love Edward. He is terrified for Edward to love him. He is terrified that if God knows he loves Edward, then he would take Edward away too. Same goes for Rosalie. So he drowns himself in the drugs and the booze because that way he can't love anybody and nobody can love him. That way, nobody gets hurt anymore.

He can feel feel himself spiraling down the rabbit hole. He can feel Rosalie hate him more and more and he can feel Alice getting desperate and he can feel Edward getting exhausted, but the pain is too great for him to stop. When Edward introduced that girl, Bella, as his girlfriend, Jasper thought that maybe death is better than this.

That was the first night he fucked Alice, because Alice had hair like Edward and eyes like Edward and that pretty smile like Edward and a voice that—if he closed his eyes long enough—sounded like Edward.

He smokes, he drinks, he uses, he drowns out his pain and he hurts Edward.

But tonight, when Edward is finally walking away from him after Jasper has told him all the wrongs he has done—how he had fucked Alice (many times) and how he hates Bella and how he smokes and drinks and schemes and fucks some more—he truly feels loss. More loss than he felt when he found out that he killed his mother, or when his father killed himself, or when Esme lost her life to cancer.

Because the one person who had loved him unreasonably and unconditionally—since that day in third grade with that dolphin figurine—is finally walking away.

_And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life._

He knows he can't, and he knows he shouldn't, but just tonight, he wishes he could love Edward again. Just tonight, he wishes he wasn't cursed with this life.

* * *

For the first time in four months—since Edward walked away—he is startlingly sober.

When he wakes in the morning (afternoon) and the redhead with hair the shade of Edward's looks at him seethingly before he shoos her out, he knew it was time. He's been thinking about it long enough. He just can't do this anymore.

_Lay my head, under the water_

He eats chicken and buttermilk pancakes—Edward's favorites-for lunch (early dinner). His hangover lifts, and for the first time in months, he sees everything so clearly. He washes the chicken and pancakes down with a tall glass of orange juice—Edward loves orange juice. Just today, he is determined to live every piece of Edward.

_Lay my head, under the sea._

He walks the city, taking each step to commit the sights he sees into his memories. He walks by the park near the Cullens' neighborhood, where Esme used to take little Edward and little Jasper to play. He chuckles at the grandmother who is handing a juice box to a little boy. He never knew his grandmother.

_Won't you take me back, take me back and see?_

He walks by the aquarium where he and Edward spent their youth, and the little library hidden behind the elementary school, where they used to spend their Friday afternoons with noses buried in books. He walks by the little cafe where Edward likes to spend his time studying, and he ducks in to order a blueberry muffin because Edward likes those too.

_There's not a time for being younger._

He stops by the university just as twilight hits, and he caught a sight of Edward just leaving his last class of the day. He sees Bella waiting outside for his best friend, and he sees them walking away together, hand-in-hand. He sighs because he hurts but at least Edward seems happy. He's not worried that when he's gone, Bella would take good care to make Edward forget Jasper exists at all.

He walks by Alice's dorms, and he hurts because he's done her so much wrong. He wishes he could say good-bye, but he thinks it's for the best that she starts to forget him right away.

He rests on the steps across from the taco truck that Rosalie loves to get her tacos from. He's sorry because he knows he hurts his sister the most, but he also knows Emmett will take care of her. Besides, his sister is strong in the way he never was.

_And if I cried unto my mother_

_No she wasn't there, she wasn't there for me._

He stops by the cemetery where his parents are buried. They were there, next to each other for all eternity like his father had wanted. He's sorry that he took their lives away from them, but for a short time they had found each other and that is more than he can ever say for himself. He lays a single rose on his mother's grave—the first rose and the last.

He sits in front of the closed church door, under the cross of Jesus, and he thinks it's apt that heaven has closed its doors on him. After tonight, heaven's doors will never be opened to him again.

He sits under Jesus for a long while, letting the memories flit before his eyes. He concentrates on the happy memories because, just tonight, he wants to only remember happiness. He lets himself feel Esme's hugs and Edward's kiss and his father's voice and his sister's stare, and he lets himself imagine a different life in which he wasn't sad and he didn't hurt people and he could love.

He walks away with his back to Jesus, because the only sign that God had ever existed was in the way Edward looked at Jasper, and he doesn't even have that anymore.

_Broken lines, across my mirror_

_Show my face, all red and bruised._

He ends his day on the rooftop of the apartment building where his family used to live before his sister sold it when his father died, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. The wind is blowing by his blond hair, and in the air he can smell the scent of absolution.

Just tonight, then it all ends.

He sits on the ledge and drinks his whiskey. He drinks slowly because he was ready but at the same time he wasn't, and once he finishes his whiskey there would be nothing to do but this.

If he looks closely enough, he thinks he can see the light from Edward's apartment window (he can't) and it's enough to know that Edward is happy and warm and safe tonight. It's enough to know that he can never steal away Edward's light again.

_And though I screamed and I screamed, well, no one came running._

_No I wasn't saved, I wasn't safe from you._

He tries not to, really hard not to, but he knows he can't leave this world without hearing Edward's voice one last time.

Just tonight, just one more time, he calls that familiar number.

Edward picks up and that soft voice rings in his ear and, for the first time today, a sob breaks from his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Edward, for everything." Edward is talking on the other line and asking him where he is and what is going on but he can't hear because he needs to get the words out. "I will never hurt you again. Please know that I have only ever wanted to love you." Edward is frantic but he is calm because the truth that he holds on for so long is finally out. "Please live for the both of us."

He hangs up and he feels peace. He looks down for the ledge and he isn't scared. The city starts to spin a little bit but he thinks that if he can close his eyes then he can imagine himself flying through the air.

_Lay my head, under the water._

_Aloud I pray, for calmer seas._

He promises himself that in the next life, he will find Edward. He promises himself that, in his next life where he wasn't cursed, he will love Edward with all the love that he has cheated his best friend in this life. He promises himself that there would be a next life.

He promises himself that, once he finishes this bottle of whiskey, he'd jump.

When I wake from this dream, with chains all around me

I've never been, I've never been free.

Edward must have ping'ed his location from his phone, because his best friend's voice startles him. He doesn't think he'd be able to see Edward's face one last time and he silently thanks God that he's wrong.

He stands on the ledge, and he can hear Edward crying and Edward is pleading to him to step down and he can't take it anymore. The calmness broke, and he cries. He cries to Edward about the words his father has told him, and how he hurts all the people who love him, and how sometimes he avoids high places because some days it hurts enough he thinks he'd jump, and how he's lost between memories and suicide because the day Edward walked away he died, and how Jesus can't save his immoral soul and his sister doesn't want to, and how he has got nothing left to lose because they were never meant to be.

_Don't let the water drag you down._

_Don't let the water drag you down._

Just tonight, he cries and he tells Edward that he loves him. Just tonight, he lets the truth break free.

"You say you're doing this because God would hurt me if you don't, but if you're gone then who will protect me from the hurt you leave behind, Jasper?! You promised you would protect me!"

"I will always be here for you, Jasper. Just take my hand."

Before he knows it, he's back in Edward's arms, because he knew that if he jumps then he will never get to heaven and Edward will be in heaven and they will be separated for eternity. It was a thought he could not bear.

He hears Edward cry and he feels the tears seeping through his hair and it is the warmest he has felt in months.

_Don't let me drown, don't let me drown in the waves._

_I could be found, I could be what you had saved._

He can't jump because he knows that he has been weak. He thought he is doing this to stop himself from hurting Edward, but if he were to be honest, he knew that he is only doing this to stop himself from feeling hurt. After the jump, it would be Edward who hurts most. Jasper always runs, but this time, he has to stay for Edward.

He can't jump because Edward is right. That day in third grade when Edward saved him from Mike Newton over his mother's dolphin figurine, he vowed that he would spend this life protecting Edward.

Edward was the only light, the only truth.

He promises Edward he will change, get sober, and get better. He means it this time, because there's something about standing on the edge and holding his mortality in his hands that lets him know he could never leave Edward.

Just tonight, when he was in Edward's arms, he found that he believed there might be a God after all.

* * *

Churches are fast becoming Jasper's favorite places.

His doctor lets him out just in time for him to walk Rosalie down the aisle. It has only been three months since he committed himself to getting sober and clean. There have been bad times, of course, when he was yelling and shaking and sweating and being an asshole to anyone in a ten-mile radius, but he is getting so much better.

He doesn't drink anymore, and he stops needing drugs to make himself feel better because he is seeing a therapist.

For the first time since Esme's death, somebody explains to him that there was no way he could control death and it wasn't really his fault.

_I got so scared, I thought no one could save me._

Edward comes by the hospital everyday and sometimes he stays until the end of visiting hours. They talk, or they watch movies, or sometimes Jasper strums his guitar while Edward buries himself in work. Whenever Edward smiles at him he knew that he is better only partially because of the therapist's skills (if that) but more so because Edward is smiling at him in that way again.

_You came along, scooped me up like a baby._

Rosalie comes by on the weekends and she shops for Jasper and she talks a-mile-a-minute and she beams at him and it makes him smile too. Sometimes he gleams at the ring on her fourth finger of her left hand and it makes him sad that he has missed out so much of her life, but then Emmett comes by to visit and calls him " brother" and he isn't so sad anymore because he knows he can spend the rest of this life making it up to her.

_Every now and then, the stars align._

Edward touches him more and hugs him more and he has no idea how to deal with it. His heart isn't used to feeling so full, but he feels guilty because Edward has Bella. Jasper knows he's done Bella much wrong too, and she doesn't deserve it just because the man she loves happens to be the man he loves.

He walks with his sister on his arms, down the aisle of the church. The sun is shining brightly through the stained glass windows, and for the first time in a really really long time, he feels like it's fate.

_Could it be, that you and me are the lucky ones?_

He smiles at Edward and Edward smiles back and Jasper couldn't contain his breath because he knows Edward has just broken up with Bella. He knows he shouldn't feel happy because he's trying to be a good person now, but he can't help the wink he sends Edward's way.

He has waited entirely too long for things to fall into place, so when Edward blushes at his attention, hope blooms in his chest like a flower that refuses to die.

_Everybody told me love was blind._

Edward is trouble. He knows that much when he realizes Edward has been sending him discreet glances that set his body ablaze. That last time, he catches Edward's gaze and holds it. Edward then nods imperceptibly at door at the back of the church and Jasper flies out of there faster than anyone could say "Amen."

He didn't know that Edward is interested in men, but he knows there is something about the way they gravitate towards each other and the way they feel about one another that defies normal rules of sexuality.

He has Edward pinned against the walls of the church and he knows he should feel bad because they're at a church and Edward has just broken up with his girlfriend. However, he doesn't care because Edward is looking at him in a way that makes his body hot.

_Then I saw your face and you blew my mind._

"Thank you, Edward, for saving my life."

When Edward kissed him this time, Jasper felt like he was being pulled under water because he knows now what it's like to drown in happiness. Edward's lips are soft and supple and the way they caressed him made him feel so loved. He couldn't swallow the lump in his throat when he remembers that he came very close to never feeling this. His arms wound tighter around Edward and his hips grinds harder and Edward rolls his hips back and Jasper nearly die.

He never knew it could feel this good.

Just tonight, Jasper thinks that churches are his favorite places because there was something in the way Edward molds around him as they kiss behind a church that makes him feel like he was falling in love for the first time.

_Finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time._

* * *

There are certain moments in Jasper's life that make him believe in redemption.

All his life, he has been lost. There were moments when he stepped so close to the brink, he thought he could never come back.

When he was thirteen and he thought he killed his mother, he took a step into darkness. He lost himself to depression coupled with teenage angst that nearly crippled him. The only light was Esme, and he ran to her when he felt himself ready to fall over. She would always be there with open arms, ready to save him.

_And after the storm_

_I run and run as the rains come._

When he was twenty and the only mother he had ever known lost to death, he lost himself to drugs and alcohol because he didn't want to feel anymore. He spent years trying to forget what it meant to be loved because it hurt too much. All love ever did was breaking his heart, and if it wasn't for his sister's strong arms, he would have been broken beyond repair.

_And I look up, I look up_

_On my knees and out of luck, I look up._

When he was twenty two and Edward found a pretty girl to love, he lost himself to self-loathing and hopelessness. He fucked and he got fucked and he manipulated and he schemed because hating himself was better than not feeling at all. That one windy night on the ledge, if it wasn't for Edward, he would have come too far to ever come back at all. He would have been lost forever.

_Night has always pushed up day._

_You must know life to see decay._

He has gotten better since then. He saw the errors in his way and found himself back to the fold. He worked hard, even though everyday was a struggle, because he knew he couldn't run anymore. He knew this time, the only one who could save him was himself. He spent many years fending off his demons, one by one.

_But I won't rot, I won't rot_

_Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot._

There are certain moments in Jasper's life that lead him to believe that people fight and lie and cheat and cry and lose themselves just so they could find redemption.

This is one of those moments.

This time, when he's walking down the aisle, his sister isn't on his arms. He's walking alone, and the person waiting at the end of the aisle isn't Emmett.

Edward smiles at him, hair shining in the sun and eyes full of love, and he knows he has found redemption again.

_And I took you by the hand, and we stood tall_

_And remember our own land, what we lived for._

Once upon a time, love has broken his heart. But today, when he's walking towards Edward and the light is shining down the little garden where he is marrying the man he loves, he knows that you can never go too far to the point of never coming back. He has spent most of his life pushing people away, pushing himself away, but there was always someone there to pull him back. There was always someone to see how broken he was, and to give him enough love to repair the holes in his soul if only he'd let them.

All his life, that person is a constant. That person is Edward.

"I love you, Edward, so much that I think I could start fires with what I feel for you. You, beautiful you, who have always loved me like I was and had always been the answer and the question did not and would never matter. If I know what love is, it is because of you, for you see the depth of my heart and you love me anyways. You showed me how beautiful it is to find a heart that loves me without asking me to be anything but okay. I promise you, Edward, to love you with my every heartbeat, so you can feel a fraction of the beauty you've shown me in this life."

_And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._

_And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._

He dances with Edward, holding his husband close. He closes his eyes and he finds peace in his heart. Peace that this man is his. Peace that he had come back from his own destruction to find love waiting for him. Peace that no matter what life has in store for him, he will always find Edward by his side. Peace that he can conquer it all, no matter the pain that comes along. Peace that he was better and stronger and more worthy of the man in his arms.

He realizes, in a moment of exquisite clarity, that this is what life is about. You lose yourself just so you can find yourself. You fall down so you can stand up. You fall apart so you can come back together. You come too far so you can find your way back. You make mistakes because there is no greater feelings than finding redemption.

There will be mountains to climb and seas to swim across and battles to fight and lose. You cry and you smile and you hurt and you lie and you cheat and you embrace and you love and nothing is impossible anymore.

And the most beautiful thing of it all is that, once you find that person who makes you want to seek redemption for, you can always always come back.

It's never too far and it's never too late and you can always begin again and you can always find God's grace in that person's eyes.

_Get over your hill and see what you find there._

_With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

"I can't wait to take you home tonight, my husband." Edward whispered, his smile pressed against Jasper's cheeks.

"Hmm, just tonight?" Jasper murmured.

"Just forever."

* * *

I hoped you enjoyed it. There may be more coming about their life after the wedding, and maybe Edward's perspective as well. I don't know when I'd write though.

Love, as always,

Stormy Bella


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